12.7 Marriage Blog

Money and In Laws… the real struggles of marriage. I can’t believe we waited until the end of the semester to talk about these two topics. These are some of the hardest things about marriage. Most marriages, like my own, the in laws can cause a real struggle. My in laws are great, but I don’t understand where they come from and my husband’s family background. It has taken me years to start to understand his family and start to love them for the people that they are.

I think being able to get along with people is key to having a successful marriage. When we are able to really focus on our relationship with our spouse, we will be able to have a strong relationship with our in laws as well.

Money is a big issues with marriage and can cause a lot of stress. My husband does a lot of our money and bills, but he does a great job of expressing our money and financial issues to me. He works really hard to get our finances in order and now that he has a job we are able to really focus on getting in the best state financially to have a successful marriage.

If you can survive in laws and money problems in a marriage you will without a doubt have a successful marriage.

11.8 Marriage Blog

Out of all the reading that we had this week, my favorite talk was the one giving by President Eyring titles “That We May Be One.” As I read the talk I found a couple key points that really made an impression on my heart and mind.

1. The requirement that we be one is not for this life alone.

I find myself constantly looking at life and only thinking about this life and not thinking about the future life and what is in store there. I have always felt that it can cause me to daydream too much. But after reading this talk I believe it is essential to not only look at this life, but to look forward to the next life and the many ways that we are going to be able to be one with not only our spouse but the rest of our spiritual family.

2. We remember God when we pray as a family.

Since I have been married for almost 3 years, my husband and I had started to become complacent with several aspects of our lives and that included our family prayers. You would think that something so simple would be easy to do every night, but without a doubt we would miss our prayers on a regular basis. Since we moved to Dallas in August, we have been blessed to live with my father who has again instilled in our lives the importance of family prayer. I can say that without a doubt I feel closer to my husband, my father, and God because I have the chance to pray as a family every night.

This talk was great and had many awesome points.

10.7 Marriage Blog

Introduction

When I signed up to take this class I signed up with the intention of it being a throw away class for my last semester here are Brigham Young University – Idaho. After a few short weeks I really learned to love the class and all of the important doctrine that is taught within.

As I have contemplated this paper and what I wanted to write about, it became evident that I did not have a clear direction that I felt I needed to take. My paper is going to include how I plan to implement or use what I learned from each week to continue to strengthen my marriage. I will use some of my favorite quotes related to the topics that are going to be discussed in my paper.

Divorce

“Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” – Spencer W Kimbal

This quote hit my like a ton of bricks. It is very powerful and is exactly the words that I needed when I read them. I have never wanted to get divorced and make that a plan. I know marriage is tough and will take a lot of work from both parties, but as I constantly work to live worthy of God, I know that my relationship with my husband will continually strengthen and we will be able to overcome the struggles that are in the world today.

Threats to Marriage

“[…] solemly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children…”

This is my favorite line from the Proclamation to the Family. I have always loved that document and have always tried to think of ways to make sure my family is now threatened by outside influences. I want to do everything in my power to have a successful marriage and a strong family, so I need to make sure to avoid the threats that are out there and could affect my family.

There are many threats, but the one that really sticks out is the threats that are put in front of us on a daily basis. Pornography, in my mind, is the worst thing that can destroy marriages. It leads all, not just husbands, down the path that can create contention and separation in a marriage.

I know it is essential for relationships to be built on trust and I do not want pornography to ever stand in the way of having a successful family. I will do everything in my power to fight this evil head on and make sure it doesn’t plague my family.

Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

“By diving design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fullness of glory.” – David A Bendar

I have always known that marriage was an important doctrine and is needed to progress in this life and the life after. But this talk really hit home for me. I never realized that marriage is needed to move toward perfection. Without a good companion we are not able to work on becoming perfect and returning to live with Heavenly Father.

I want to always work in unison with my husband. Even when we bicker and nitpick I want to always remember the end goal. As I am able to remember the end goal of eternal life, I know that we will be able to overcome obstacles that come our way. It is not a matter of if, but it is a matter of when. And I want to be ready.

Behaviors that Negatively Affect Marriage

One of the questions that was asked the in the preparation was if I would say that my marriage is characterized by positive or negative sentiment override? After being in this class, I can firmly say that we have a lot more positive override than negative. I know my marriage is not perfect, but both myself and my husband strive daily to not be affected by negative issues in our relationship.

It is easy to look at the negative of someone and that is what causes a lot of strife and problems in relationships. We work really hard to have an open line of communication. We always talk and are open without feelings. This is what makes our relationship so successful.

Cherishing Your Spouse

This is the week we started the Date Night activities. My husband and I took this task on and were extremely excited about the chance that it presented. We have always been great on going on dates, but we usually would just do something and it would be an activity that we weren’t able to talk much.

During the duration of this activity we really did everything we could to come up with fun activities that would build our friendship and relationship. We had a blast with the dates and we are going to make it a goal to continually find activities that build our relationship and not just allow us to coexist in a place, like a movie does.

Staying Emotionally Connected

“One important aspect of a marriage is to show interest in your spouse’s interests.” – Martha Arnell

I really loved this quote in the reading. I have always struggled with this, but I have made it a point to try to understand my husband and allow him to pursue his interests. When I have done this and show interest, I have been able to understand what makes him excited about his hobbies. Regardless of how ridiculous I think his hobbies are I know that my support will improve our relationship and make him happy.

Beware of Pride

Pride is a scary attribute that most of us have a lot of in our life. I know I have a lot and my husband has his fair share as well. When I learned this less, I was able to sit down and talk with my husband about how we could not be as prideful and how it would affect our relationship. As we talked we were able to pinpoint examples where we both were prideful.

We made a goal to not let pride affect our love. We have seen a huge increase in our relationship as we have tried our best to not be prideful. Even when we slip up and are prideful, the effects aren’t as harsh because we understand that each other are trying our best to make the relationship less prideful and more loving.

Managing Conflict; Consecrating Ourselves

“A cunning part of [Satan’s] strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control.” – Lynn G Robbins

One of the quickest ways to get into a fight with your loved ones is the get angry and show that emotion. I love this quote by Elder Robbins and think that it is something I need to live by in my life. If I am able to live by this quote I will have a successful marriage. I will not let little things anger me because I understand it is an emotion that I can control and I will not let it control me. As I do this my marriage will be extremely happy and successful.

Seeking to Understand

I had never heard of gridlock like it was described in Gottman’s book, but I love the idea that we can make our relationship struggle because of gridlock. We let our unfulfilled dreams and hopes cause us to hold down our relationships.

When I learned this I made a concerted effort to not let my past affect my current relationship. There have been times that I have noticed my past allowing me to judge my husband. As I did this I was not trying to understand him or the situation and I would get mad at him for things that he could not change. I plan to not do this in the future and I want to always strive to understand my husband and be a blessing to his life and understand him.

Conclusion

This class has been a huge blessing in my marriage. I thought my marriage was strong before, but I have seen a huge benefit of this class in my marriage. As I work on the different topics and improving my martial relationship, I know that both I and my husband will be blessed greatly. We will have a successful and strong marriage and we will be able to raise a righteous generation of children that will bless the world.

9.6 Marriage Blog

Both of the books were amazing. I really loved everything that we read from the books. Probably my favorite chapter that I read from this week was the chapter about charity in Goddard’s book. I felt that I could really connect with what he was trying to teach.

I have not always been the most charitable person, but I feel that I have had many people in my life that are very charitable. My husband is a great example of someone that has charity. Almost everything that Goddard taught for using charity in a relationship fit my husband perfectly. He always thinks about what is best for other people before he thinks about what is best for himself. I can truly say that because of his example, I have become a better person and it helps make out relationship stronger because it makes me want to be more charitable.

In response to Brother Barnett’s question about anger in my relationships, I really try to think about how my emotions and reactions would make other people feel. This helps me keep a level head and not react to everything based on emotion. When I am able to do this it really helps strengthen my relationships.

8.6 Marriage Blog

Discussion Board

My favorite part of the preparation this week was reading the talk “Agency and Anger” by Elder Robbins. His talk was very essential to understanding how to have a successful relationship. One of my favorite references was when he talked about the scripture in Ephesians 4. I like how we are taught that we cannot have anger and be of God. I think often times we get caught up in the moment and we do not realize the damage that we can cause if we have anger while we talk to people. But at the end of the day when we are angry we are the ones that are harming other people and ourselves. We need to remember to not be hateful.

I also loved hearing about anger being unchecked. All too often we do before we think. But as we live our lives and think before we do things, our relationships will be stronger and more beneficial. I think we really are blessed when we keep our anger checked. That is how we will experience the most happiness in this life.

Seek to Understand Activity

This was a great learning activity for me. As I took the time to identify situations that caused arguments in our relationship I was able to see how little things were really the things that affected us the most. The three situations that I mention are all menial things and should not really be issues. I think we do a great job of not letting big things bother us, but we need to really work on the small issues and allowing those to go over easier.

If we allowed the smaller situations to not be a big deal like the big problems, then we would likely not have very many situations that caused us to have disagreements. I really feel like we do a great job of getting along and expressing ourselves in ways that do not cause arguments.

My husband is a great example of making amends when he knows it will truly help make a difference in the argument. He never lets little things get under his skin. He is truly amazing and makes me love him when he is able to have a level head and respect the situations that arise in our relationship.

I really appreciated being able to look for situations throughout the week that led to arguments and being able to study those. As I stepped back I learned the keys to what will help my husband and I be successful. I plan to share my understanding and findings with him. I know that as we strive to always be understanding before we argue and let the little things become big that we will have a long and happy marriage.

7.6 Marriage Blog

In this weeks reading I really enjoyed President Benson’s talk. I felt it was very powerful and is perfect for any relationship.

My favorite quote from the talk was “Fear of men’s judgment manifests itself in competition for men’s approval. The proud love ‘the praise of men more than the praise of God'”. I think this quote is something that anyone in a relationship should live by and think about daily. I know that when I personally focus on not trying to please anyone but God and my spouse that we are better off and we aren’t always bickering at each other or trying to one up everyone else to get their approval.

I also love the quote “Let us choose to be humble.” I love that humility is a choice and that we are able to choose how we want to live our lives. I truly feel that as we are humble we will be in the most successful relationships and be able to live worthy of being led by the Spirit.

The reading this week was amazing and I really loved everything that we read. I look forward to the activities this week and seeing how they tie in to everything.

Beware of Pride

After reading this week and considering the questions from this assignment I think the most common pride game that my husband and I play in our marriage is keeping score. I have always tried to not play this game, but my husband in notorious at playing this game and trying to keep everything even on our relationship. I try to point out to him that that is not the way that a relationship works. When we don’t try to keep score our relationship is a lot more positive.

The second marriage game that I see a lot in my relationship is getting others to create an alliance. I have noticed that both my husband and I like to get our friends involved and side with us so that we feel justified in our decisions. But this is not what is going to make us most happy because we are always going to bicker with each other when our friends and family get involved.

This was an eye opening assignment and I enjoyed considering the pride games that affect my relationship with my husband. I am going to do everything that I can to not play these games so we can continue to have a strong and happy relationship. I really want to continue to have a strong relationship so this is key.

5.9 Marriage Blog

Don’t Pinprick!

When I look at my marriage, because that is what I have to bring and compare to this class, I think Elder Christiansen’s quote is perfect. I look at the times that my marriage is smooth and it is when we aren’t pinpricking each other. But the times when it can be bumpy or we have a disagreement, it tends to start from some sort of pinpricking. I would definitely say this is something to watch for in the future in my relationship with my spouse. When we look at the positive in someone, we are going to be happier than when we look at the negative.

I really like the idea of the love maps and I have never really heard of it before. I think it is vital to use in a successful relationship and it is something I plan on talking ot my husband about and using it to make my marriage even better than it already is.

Nurturing Relationships

This week I decided to work on overlooking the faults of my husband. I love him dearly and think the world of him, but sometimes I feel that he needs to pay more attention to the details. He often overlooks them and it bothers me.

This week as I tried to overlook his faults, I felt that I didn’t complain as much about the things that he was or wasn’t doing. I truly felt that as I tried to be “ok” with the things he was doing that I was happier and it made our relationship better. We didn’t argue as much as we might normal do and we laughed more than usual, so we were laughing all the time.

I think of my husband’s example and how he works really hard to forgive me for my faults and how happy he always is, but I have always struggled with it. After I realized that doing this has helped me have a better attitude, I can definitely see the positives of not pinpricking every little thing that he does, even if it bothers me a lot. I want to make it a goal to always look at the positive and not focus on the negative.

I also tried this with my father. My husband and I moved in with my dad back in August and there have been times that we have struggled to get along with my dad because he does some things that bug us. We have tried out best to ignore it, but haven’t done a good job. This week we made a concerted effort to not let his actions bother us and I can already see the benefits and how the spirit is stronger in our house than it is when we don’t get along with my dad.

I am going to do everything I can to not pinprick when people do things that bother me. Not only will it benefit my relationship with that person, but it will also benefit my attitude and make me a happier person.

4.7 Marriage Blog

The reading this week was very interesting to me. I think one of the things that stuck out to me the most was when Gottman eluded to marriages needing conflict. I look at my relationship with my husband and think about the conflicts that we have had in our relationship. Even though the disagreements are annoying, I can definitely see how those conflicts have made us stronger and have helped our friendship grow.

My husband and I started out as friends and our relationship grew from there. Once we were friends we were comfortable together. Then we started dating. We dated for one and a half years and really got to know each other. I feel that because we took the time to really understand and know about each other we gained a stronger friendship than a lot of couples that didn’t date or court as long as we did.

I don’t want people to think that it isn’t possible to have a strong relationship when you dated a short time, but in my own experience it was a huge blessing to have been great friends for almost 2 years before we got married. It has helped our marriage really grow and be strengthened.

3.3 Marriage Blog

All of the preparation material this week was amazing! I really learned everything that I read and looked for ways to apply it in my own marriage.

After 2 1/2 years of being married, I feel that I barely know anything about marriage and how to be successful in it. But after reading Elder Hafen’s talk I really feel that my marriage is as strong as it is because we have lived one key principle from his talk. He said that in a covenant marriage couples give 100%. I feel that both my husband and I try our hardest to make our marriage work. We aren’t perfect, but we always strive to keep the other person in our thoughts and support them in their actions.

From the talk by President Benson, we definitely have seen many blessings related to the things he mentioned at the end of the talk. When we go to the temple together we always have a strong bond and feel our relationship grow. The temple is definitely a place to help strengthen and grow a marriage. Another thing from the talk that I really liked is where he talked about doing service in the temple. As a couple when we do service we seem to be in a lot better mood and enjoy the Spirit as it attends us during our times of service.

The last thing that really stuck out to me was when Elder Bendar talked about spending time with your significant other and how we often times can take away from the most important time of the day by planning other menial activities. I think it is so important to have time every day devoted to getting to know your spouse. Not just who they are, but what they are and what they are trying to do to better their life. As we do this we will be blessed with stronger marriages.

I hope everyone has a great week.

1.8 Online Marriage Blog

Several things particularly impressed me as I completed the reading and video assignments this week.

As a member of the church marriage has always been something that I saw in my future because I was taught about the importance of eternal marriage from a young age. This eternal perspective on marriage helped me to realize why I should get married instead of choosing another option such as cohabitation. However, I often thought that if I wasn’t a member of the church I would most likely choose the cohabitation route, at least for a while, instead. In my mind I saw the benefits of being able to get to know a person better before entering into such a binding commitment like marriage. Even when I looked at marriage from a strictly secular point of view I knew that I never wanted to experience divorce and cohabitation seemed to be a way to help prevent that.

While I always felt like marriage was for me, I didn’t necessarily think it was for everyone. I felt that people could be just as happy in cohabitation relationships or even as single parents. I saw people with all different family situations and most of them seemed to be living happy, healthy lives with no more or less problems than me. So this brought me back to one central question; Does marriage really matter?

After reading through the research on this topic I was shocked to learn about all of the different secular benefits a healthy marriage and two parent home provide. One of the most dramatic findings to me was probably the estimated $1.1 billion savings annually for taxpayers if family fragmentation were reduced by just 1 percent. (State of Our Unions) Wow, and that’s just money! I think the biggest benefit that comes from a strong marriage are smart, productive, happy children. After all, as cliche as it sounds, they are our future. It’s scary to think about how the generation of children coming from increasingly fragmented homes will ultimately affect the future of our world.

Now I can say with 100% confidence that yes, marriage does matter from both an eternal and secular perspective.

The last point I want to touch on comes from Elder Oaks’ talk on divorce. The entire talk was excellent, but there was one particular thing he said that just resonated with me. He said, “Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us.” I love this quote because it reminds me that marriage is a big deal and should not be taken lightly. While divorce cannot always be avoided it is up to us and our spouses to do everything we can to keep our marriages alive. Divorce brings death to not only your marriage, but so many other things.